Make Purim Great Again
(כל המועדים עתידין ליבטל וימי הפורים אינן בטלים לעולם (ילקוט שמעוני, משלי, רמז תתקמד
- A group of balei batim from Toms River led by their spiritual mentor paid a visit to Lakewood for the first time checking out the famous eateries. Starting their day with breakfast hitting the cafe's and pizza shops and then on to the fleishig restaurants for supper. One of them suggested that the group visit BMG, is that Fleishig or Milchig? they asked Yeshiva bachur wins Guinness record for most farhers
A 8th grade bachur holds the record for most fathers to mesivta according to Guinness book record keepers. The sad part is he did not intend to take more than a few but when reality set in he had no choice but to keep taking farhers at all mesivtas in Lakewood it wasn't until he applied for the girls high schools that askanim realized how serious the situation is. They simply left him back again in 8th grade giving him another shot to break his own record next year.
NJ Department of Health new Vaccine Ad
- After a botched ad campaign to increase covid vaccines in the Lakewood community and the poor depiction of a orthodox Jew, the ocean county health Dept. decided to focus on the town of Toms River. The new ad has no picture of a person and only a photo of a Tuna bagel.
Lakewood township to offer free tax abatements to all properties in town
The township committee will vote on an ordinance granting everyone in town a tax exemption for their property. In the spirit of Purim Just Like all properties near shushan habeera kept the 15th all properties near cedarbridge will be exempt. Jackson and Manchester said they will follow Lakewood's lead The mayor was asked who will support the town if no one pays taxes he said they are working on becoming part of Ukraine
TU campaign for Stay at home moms
- At the Torah Umutter convention the plight of stay at home mothers was brought to the fore and convention guests said it is time to take action. Speaker after speaker decried the low allowance that is given to the mothers who stay home or as they are called "non working moms". Morahs and working women are all getting paid well. Who is looking out for the ladies who bring their kids to and from playgroups?? One speaker mentioned how a husband had to cap the credit limit on his wife's card after too many café bills. A Rebbetzin pounded on the mechitza yelling on top of her lungs these are the real ideal ladies who don't work and personify everything we taught them in seminary. They deserve our full support. They should not have to think twice before going out shopping with friends every morning. A rayze it campaign was launched but donations have yet to come.
New store opening in Toms River
A kosher Marijuana restaurant is opening in Toms River it will be called am yisrael high, Pot yisrael under the High K. Their motto is "Der Guf should have an aliya"
Cross street renamed
The Lakewood township committee voted on an ordinance to rename Cross street; it will now be called Yeshiva Lane. At the meeting several residents spoke up against the name change pointing out that the girls schools are not considered a yeshiva and that yeshiva lane is more appropriate for 7th street. One person said it is a parking lot and should have no name. Other proposed names were Hitching way or Traffic street
Ad: Nasi Project offers to flash freeze bochurim and skip the 4 months freezer
The New Lakewood
- A satmar yid was walking on shabbos in south Lakewood and carrying in the Eruv a Litvish youngerman stopped him and said that Reb Aaron did not approve of a Eruv in town he responded in yiddish ich bin fin zalman Leibs (R' Avrohom Malach)
Venahapoch HU Gvir culture The Rich don't feel rich and the poor feel rich
This year the mitzva of matanos L'evyonim is much harder to come by as the rich don't feel rich and the poor are hard to find as one gevir said, "I thought I was the big boy on the block until my neighbor put up a house bigger than mine. I had a private Jet but the other guy is flying to the moon. A yente columnist for a local paper interviewed a fundraiser who said they are facing a crisis and when they are not feeling relevant it impacts donations and support of mosdos. One real estate guy thought he was the richest guy in town after completing a big business deal in town only to be outdone a few days later by a nursing home mogul. On the other hand the youngeleit received loads of stimulus money and a kollel check increase they feel like gevirim some are questioning if one is yoitze the mitzva of matanos l'evyonim. Rabbonim suggested giving to Ukraine but only if the money ends up in the pocket of the refugees.
- Bagel Bite from Lakewood will be opening a branch on 13th avenue in Brooklyn.
Brooklyn residents are ecstatic to have Lakewood food establishments open branches in Boro park and Flatbush. For years all lakewood offered was Torah now we get the kemach too. Stores such as Bagel Bite, Heiss bagels, Glatt Nosh, and others will be coming to 13th avenue.It is only befitting that after all the years of supporting the town we get to taste the fruits of our labor said a yid on 13th avenue.
Lakewood township will conduct all meetings in under 5 minutes.
Officials are happy to announce that all board meetings will be over in 5 minutes there is no reason to sit through hours of testimony when all applications are approved. The new system will have the committee vote straight up on the applications.
A local Matza bakery in the five towns is adding a special run of sourdough matzos for this coming pesach the price is steep at $54 a pound but well worth the price for those who are health conscious and can't let a shabbos seuda go by without a sourdough challah. The bakery is under the hashgacha of the vaad amei haratzos matzah is Glatt shmurah and under 18 minutes.
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Headlines
- Shadchan to boy - "Take her out to an expensive place Boy "I'm taking her to a gas station...
- Amshinov welcomes new daylight savings bill that would finally put all klal yisrael on the same time zone.
- Rebbe: Gas prices are so high that Reform Jews are starting to walk to shul on shabbos.
- Lakewood Oligarchs not scared of sanctions proudly show off their private jets
- Mishpacha magazine in puts vashti on the front cover without a tail feminist outraged
- Litvish yeshiva coming to oak and Vine
- Out of town kehilla having withdrawal symptoms from social distancing and covid mask transition back to purim masks and be social awkwardness
- South side of Lakewood sets up new vaad all shuls must daven nusach sefard and have NY plates
- Political strategist come to Lakewood for campaign tips meet local politicians and ask them how do they stay in power for so long getting reelected without campaigning and not even helping the residents.
Spelt chekc iz ofv
- Prayer for those done with corona שלא שמת חלקינו בין ישבי קרנות
א פרייליכן פורים
"They simply left him back again in 8th grade giving him another shot to break his own record next year"
ReplyDeleteSadly, this actually happened to a good girl (no frumkeit issues) in town two year's ago. No HS would take her so she stayed in 8th last year. She finally got in this year right before school started.
The can abolish property taxes and take a percentage of all money that any Meshulach collects. As Yankele Gvir said, "I think it's time that the poor supported the rich instead of the other way around."
ReplyDelete