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Sunday, September 24, 2023
כרחם אב על בנים
A plea to those alienating children from their fathers. Please allow them to bentsch their children today.
I understand the concern and hurt of the parents, but there is also 2 sides to every story. Very often there is an abused child who wants to start new. Most normal people don't just alienate their parents. If it's done ,there is, most of the time, food reason.
Yes most normal people dont alienate their parents. So the children who do are the mentally unstable ones in some cases and there is no ryhme or reason. But nice try pushing modern propaganda.
So its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here. There is just this broad conspiracy by therapists who hoodwink their extremely mentally unwell clients, the parents are totally stable wonderful human beings who are malachim who never did anything wrong in their lives. I really hope this is not what you believe because its not the reality of what is going on. Its a very sad parsha and I wouldnt wish it on anyone but these constant messages being posted are not reflective of the reality. I could personally describe the horror stories I have heard that would make your hair stand on end. The parents in many cases meant well and didnt know any better but these people (both the parents and the children) are suffering tremendously. They need our tefilos and our rachmanus but not our judgement. Rabbanim unfortunately have to deal with these shailos every day. I am sure there are children who are unjustly alienating their parents and that is very wrong but in my experience, the situation in a majority of the cases is far more complex.
Once we acknowledge that the parents "in many cases meant well and didn't know any better", we cannot possibly justify the complete, wholesale ignoring of such parents. It's a matter of halacha; there's no Rav in the world who would pasken otherwise.
Case in point: There is a well-known tragedy in Lakewood. A father was falsely accused of molestation because one of his extremely wise children thought it was a good idea to get him out of the house. There just wasn't enough love in the home. The father was out too much during the week trying to earn a parnassa. Then, they retracted. And then, at least some of the children wanted him to somehow return to the community that threw him out. Of course, the father's entire life was thrown upside down as a result. He lost his parnassah, his reputation, and still has to contend with the false allegations by "well-meaning" individuals who feel it's their business to throw him out of shuls because of the false rumor circulated by one of his kids. How's any of this okay? Only a few of his kids call him at all. The others don't because they're "triggered" or whatever and describe clearly exaggerated claims of abuse that have been borrowed almost wholesale from Holocaust films (Some of these kids would claim, and I am paraphrasing the hyperbolic nonsense they used to spout to the gullible before their senses got to the better of them with dramatic irony: "He would line us up every day and beat us in a morning line up at six in the morning. And if we didn't stand in line, he'd beat the others in front of us. Then, he'd give us horsemeat to eat -- only once a day. And if we were lucky, we'd have a small piece of bread with woodchips in them. Every night, he would either point to the right or the left, and then, he'd either beat us or make us watch, depending on whether we were chosen for the right or left. Then, he threw us in the basement every night, where we tried to rest our weary bodies until the appel the next morning, when he'd make us stand in line and beat us. Aye, how many times we said vidui!").
Again, I ask how is this okay? Because "feelings" and "egos" and "trauma" and whatever else they cry about? There's no excuse. The kids treat the father worse than a dog, because they decided -- and are indeed supported by idiots who believe -- that a biblical imperative of the highest order can be reduced to the inversion of its actual import -- an absurd, amoral requirement that we coddle, validate, hug and love outright venal children, regardless of the bedlam, havoc and utter destruction they imposed on their parents, and ignore, at all costs, the legitimate feelings of their parents, because if we don't validate feelings of people whose reality are altered to the point of absurdity, we are somehow bad people.
I understand the concern and hurt of the parents, but there is also 2 sides to every story.
So its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here.
Let's address the situation that the video is addressing - children who have been alienated from their father by their mother and her family.
The number one slogan to always remember is: Get refusal is abuse
Actually, no, you have it all wrong.
I understand the concern and hurt of the woman, but there is also 2 sides to every story.
So its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here.
Withholding, alienating or estranging children from their parents is abuse. It is always wrong.
I understand the concern and hurt of the parents, but there is also 2 sides to every story. Very often there is an abused child who wants to start new.
ReplyDeleteMost normal people don't just alienate their parents. If it's done ,there is, most of the time, food reason.
Yes most normal people dont alienate their parents. So the children who do are the mentally unstable ones in some cases and there is no ryhme or reason. But nice try pushing modern propaganda.
DeleteSo its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here. There is just this broad conspiracy by therapists who hoodwink their extremely mentally unwell clients, the parents are totally stable wonderful human beings who are malachim who never did anything wrong in their lives. I really hope this is not what you believe because its not the reality of what is going on. Its a very sad parsha and I wouldnt wish it on anyone but these constant messages being posted are not reflective of the reality. I could personally describe the horror stories I have heard that would make your hair stand on end. The parents in many cases meant well and didnt know any better but these people (both the parents and the children) are suffering tremendously. They need our tefilos and our rachmanus but not our judgement. Rabbanim unfortunately have to deal with these shailos every day. I am sure there are children who are unjustly alienating their parents and that is very wrong but in my experience, the situation in a majority of the cases is far more complex.
DeleteOnce we acknowledge that the parents "in many cases meant well and didn't know any better", we cannot possibly justify the complete, wholesale ignoring of such parents. It's a matter of halacha; there's no Rav in the world who would pasken otherwise.
DeleteCase in point: There is a well-known tragedy in Lakewood. A father was falsely accused of molestation because one of his extremely wise children thought it was a good idea to get him out of the house. There just wasn't enough love in the home. The father was out too much during the week trying to earn a parnassa. Then, they retracted. And then, at least some of the children wanted him to somehow return to the community that threw him out. Of course, the father's entire life was thrown upside down as a result. He lost his parnassah, his reputation, and still has to contend with the false allegations by "well-meaning" individuals who feel it's their business to throw him out of shuls because of the false rumor circulated by one of his kids. How's any of this okay? Only a few of his kids call him at all. The others don't because they're "triggered" or whatever and describe clearly exaggerated claims of abuse that have been borrowed almost wholesale from Holocaust films (Some of these kids would claim, and I am paraphrasing the hyperbolic nonsense they used to spout to the gullible before their senses got to the better of them with dramatic irony: "He would line us up every day and beat us in a morning line up at six in the morning. And if we didn't stand in line, he'd beat the others in front of us. Then, he'd give us horsemeat to eat -- only once a day. And if we were lucky, we'd have a small piece of bread with woodchips in them. Every night, he would either point to the right or the left, and then, he'd either beat us or make us watch, depending on whether we were chosen for the right or left. Then, he threw us in the basement every night, where we tried to rest our weary bodies until the appel the next morning, when he'd make us stand in line and beat us. Aye, how many times we said vidui!").
Again, I ask how is this okay? Because "feelings" and "egos" and "trauma" and whatever else they cry about? There's no excuse. The kids treat the father worse than a dog, because they decided -- and are indeed supported by idiots who believe -- that a biblical imperative of the highest order can be reduced to the inversion of its actual import -- an absurd, amoral requirement that we coddle, validate, hug and love outright venal children, regardless of the bedlam, havoc and utter destruction they imposed on their parents, and ignore, at all costs, the legitimate feelings of their parents, because if we don't validate feelings of people whose reality are altered to the point of absurdity, we are somehow bad people.
Just disgusting.
The ignorance and stupidity has to stop.
& so?
ReplyDeleteI understand the concern and hurt of the parents, but there is also 2 sides to every story.
ReplyDeleteSo its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here.
Let's address the situation that the video is addressing - children who have been alienated from their father by their mother and her family.
The number one slogan to always remember is:
Get refusal is abuse
Actually, no, you have it all wrong.
I understand the concern and hurt of the woman, but there is also 2 sides to every story.
So its much easier for you to believe that there is just no reason than to believe that there might have been at the very least a broader picture here.
Withholding, alienating or estranging children from their parents is abuse.
It is always wrong.
EXACTLY
Delete