The Broken Ties organization held another meeting to support parents who are suffering from alienation. An asifas chizuk was held recently in Brooklyn which drew a large crowd and on this past Motzei Shabbos there was an asifa in Lakewood. Broken Ties is a frum organization to help parents whose children refuse to have any contact with them. Most of the cases are children of broken homes when parents get divorce and the children are turned against one or both parents. But in many situations the parents are married with functioning families and yet the children are alienated from the parents. These children are frum, attending Bais Yaakov and yeshivas, some of these children are now married and learning in Kollel. Satan got his hand on them to rip them away from their parents.
Tuesday, November 9, 2021
Another Chizuk Meeting for Parents of Alienated Children
Broken Ties is providing support and chizuk to the many parents who are suffering by arranging lectures, workshops, shabbatons, and education to understand the cause of alienation. Some of these parents are mechanchim and rabbonim in their own right.
At these gatherings parents realize that they are not alone. Parents meet other innocent people who lost contact with their children. It is easy for strangers to point a finger and blame a parent because after all “which child will do something crazy and abnormal to disconnect from their parent. It must be that the parent did something terrible to the child and the child now feels that her life is messed up and won’t be able to live as a normal person with that parent” (target Parent).
This assumption will justify the child’s behavior and some “well-meaning” people will help the child “adjust” so the child will never go back to their father or mother.
The truth however is that in most cases the parents are good loving parents and in the few situations where parents made mistakes those mistakes are not what caused the child to do the unthinkable and become a living orphan.
We are dealing with children who cut off ties with parents and families. They are now missing a limb and will grow up handicapped. These neshomos are begging for guidance. They cry, please take us out of this rut. These innocent children are now stuck and in most cases; they don’t want to offend one parent by reaching out to the other. Sometimes they forget or never knew why they fell into this situation and they just hope that someone will provide a rope and pull them out. They are not strong enough to do this on their own even if they would have a strategy.
People must realize that this is an emotional aliment- a machla which hit us in this generation. Misdiagnosing these heartbroken children won’t heal them and they will have a hard time to live a normal healthy life.
It was also mentioned that stopping this trend won’t be easy and reuniting the children with their parents may take a long time. But gradually things will change. It is becoming known that it is usually others who are encouraging the children to “break the tie” and those people must be held accountable.
If you or someone who you know can use some help and chizuk with strengthening ties with a relative please encourage them to join Broken Ties. Similarly, if you know someone that is causing harm to a relationship, please contact the appropriate people to end that behavior quickly.
(Submitted)
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The only thing accurate about the "submitted" is the strong argument: “which child will do something crazy and abnormal to disconnect from their parent" and the answer most of the time (Yes – I do know as I am involved in a lot of these cases) has nothing to do with the "other parent" or therapist, it is more often that these parents did themselves in by not appreciating and accepting their child for who he/she is.
ReplyDeleteThis organization is validating those parents who instead of learning how to give unconditional love, can now say "Satan got his hands on them". We need an organization called "Fixing Ties" that teaches parents that even though it may very hard, they need to practice unconditional acceptance.
We have a Torah that teaches us how to ask. Children owe it to their parents to respect them and treat them right. A child who does not do so, is doing something wrong. Someone who advises a person to cut off ties from their parents, transgresses the לאו of לפני עור לא תתן מכשול.
DeleteEven if it is hard for a child to treat his/her parents correctly, Mitzvos are inviolate.
No, my children speak to me and I speak to my parents. I mean the Mitzva and only the Mitzva
That's exactly what Broken Ties does, they teach unconditional acceptance.
DeleteBroken Ties was established for this reason. People who claim that they saw it all and know it all, in many cases it is a board askan or women who want to retaliate. They go ahead and ruin peoples reputation by fabricating sexual allegations. There is no way one can prove to be insect as you can't prove a negative. The victim wants to sit down and talk to put the cards on the table but the askonim will refuse to comply. They rather the have the stain set on the yungerman than to get to the bottom of it.
DeleteNext, the askon/ess will facilitate ailenation by scaring the children away from the parent. And they will use it as proof to their story.
The lost father doesn't know what hit him and has no way to turn for help.
We need organizations like Broken Ties to help these families.
Amudim and other such organizations are here to help with the monsters who abuse. They are the professionals in the field. they deal with every case with dignity and respect.
we don't need power hungry individuals labeling entire groups these senior marchers should not get involved.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI know this is bait but i just want to say that to say there are no justifiable cases is just willfully ignorant/stupid. We all agree that there are at least some monsters who abuse their children in a way that is assur.
ReplyDeleteEven if the parents do something assur, the child must still respect them.
DeleteEven a parent a Rasha must be respected, according to many Poskim.
It is the same as any other מצות עשה, a person must spend up to a fifth of his money to fulfill this mitzvah.
Just saying, sometimes the abusers are actually the alienators as well. Please be kind to those suffering for no fault of their own, just because an alienator did a lot of badmouthing and brainwashing.
DeleteIt's not bait, it's the truth.
DeleteThe job of a parent is to offer unconditional love and support for their child. If you don't want to do that don't become a parent. Quality over quantity.
I dont understand. Even the OP isnt claiming that children should go back to abusers. Are you more frum then they are? Their whole point was "parents who are good but made small mistakes"
Deletethere is the mitzvah of כיבוד אב ואם , and then on the other side the shulchan aruch says for the parent אסור להכביד עולו על בניו, roughly translated he should not make it very difficult for the child to do כיבוד אב ואם, which nowadays is more relevant than in the past והמבין יבין.
DeleteNo A job of a parent is not "unconditional love". A job of a parent is to be machanech their children. A lot of children who go off, start out doing so as call for attention, particularly in large families. The children are seeking any attention, even if negative.
DeleteIf they still don't receive the attention they seek, they rebel further. Then once they get a taste of Taava's the Yetxer Hara takes over.
If anyone knows what really is happening. This organization is tzadikim.
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious that the above posts have no clue what parental alienation is. Google it so you dont put your 2 cents and disparage very good parents who are victims. Their children are also victims and are being abused. Do not confuse "estrangement " or legitimacy of a child putting boundaries because a parent is toxic. This is not the case with parental alienation.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes many therapist are innocently telling children to cut off from good parents because they dont have the full picture.
Dont judge others. You do not know all the facts. The innocent children as well as the innocent parent is suffering.
The first comment by "saw alot" is part of the problem. This so called askan has all the answers. Better the askan should take out a Tehillim and not get involved. Broken Ties is a great organization that help to support parents who are crying for help for their children. They are not agaisnt their children. These very good loving parents should not be judged and can use empathy for the many levels of suffering they endure
ReplyDeleteI saw a lot of divorced wives turn children against their fathers. Yes, in cases with equal custody, and no abuse. Just pure hatred.
ReplyDeleteIt's high time that we shine a light on the training and competency of social workers.
ReplyDeleteLet's begin with these two:
1) How much training are social workers required to receive?
2) Are social workers capable or legally permitted to make any sort of diagnosis?
More questions to come...
Health aids serve an important role.
ReplyDeleteSocial workers can serve an important role.
We would never allow a health aide to perform a life-changing surgery.
We should never permit a social worker to advise or perform decisions which require a comprehensive knowledge and understanding of the patient.
There are many different types of alienation out there. Only some are children who decide (or are told by the custodial parent) to cut off ties with their divorced father/mother. Some are adults who decide that they are angry with something their parent did, and they take a 'mental health break' from the Torah and don't keep their Mitzvah. Those people are doing an aveira. But sometimes they receive backing from a 'Rav' or therapist, who have no idea what the other side of the story is. Sometimes they enjoy their power trip as they split up a family. Other times they have a geshmake kano'us going on, licking their chops as they get to announce someone else as a bad parent.
ReplyDeleteThis organization is to shed sunlight on this phenomenon, and to help people deal with this issue.
It starts with the Family Courts and Restraining orders which are used as tools to portray the Man as a Criminal and Dangerous person who the Ex and the Kids need protection from
ReplyDeleteThese restraining orders in NJ are fairly easy for a Women to Obtain in the State of NJ especially in Ocean County where Lakewood is situated in
And in New Jersey Restraining orders last for Life
AnonymousNovember 10, 2021 at 1:50 AM
ReplyDeleteIt's high time that we shine a light on the training and competency of social workers.
Let's begin with these two:
1) How much training are social workers required to receive?
2) Are social workers capable or legally permitted to make any sort of diagnosis?
More questions to come...
To this comment I add:
WHAT ABOUT THE PSEUDO “THERAPISTS” IN THIS TOWN WHO AREN’T EVEN LICENSED??? Some of these “therapists” have literally made a churn an in Lakewood, killing innocent families, ripping families apart and causing such irreparable damage it’s heartbreaking. How do these “therapists” plan to face their Creator l’achar meah v’esrim???
+1
DeleteI have watched therapist rip families apart. You watch them just want to make more money. And rope in the whole family and cause divorces, child issues, and more. Not all therapist, but many... time for everyone to be on high alert and not just trust. Not every dr is great and second opinions and more are consulted, keep it in mind with therapists. Don't fall victim!
ReplyDeleteThese so-called therapists/askonos are trained not to be scared of anything. In a town where there is zero accountability not from a legal standpoint nor from a communal standpoint. In this town evil people are given the right and the authority to do as they please regardless of how many lives are getting destroyed. it is all about connections...
ReplyDeleteAlot of these therapists and children get this idea from reading books, even the serials in the Jewish magazine.
ReplyDeletePlease post names of these pseudo's it's l'toeles harabim. Thanks you.
ReplyDeletether is no need to pos names.
DeleteAnyone that gets involved with counseling and therapy is guilty until proven innocent. If someone is known beyond a reasonable doubt that they do more good than harm you can go seek them. Otherwise stay away.
Please, the chofetz chayim is "mechayev" to name him/her. Failure to do so when the opportunity arises makes you an accomplice.
ReplyDeleteBe careful when selecting therapists for your children. A therapist may have an ulterior motive. By convincing a child that they are "being or have been abused as a child" and then tell them to cut off ties they are roping in a "customer".
ReplyDeleteWhen someone has a complaint about a parent they can be heard by a prominent compassionate Rav who is known to make peace and all parties (parents and child) present their side. Many families can be saved from heartache, stress, undue anxiety, and mental health issues that result from breaking ties with a parent