Article in Mishpacha Magazine from 2019
Erev Rosh Hashanah is approaching, which means it’s almost time for hataras nedarim, which means that at some point near the end of Shacharis, the people around you will start mentally calculating how many people are in the minyan and if that total is divisible by four. If it’s not, it means at least one group will have an extra person, and trust me, you don’t want to be a fifth guy at hataras nedarim. You need three to serve as dayanim, along with the one who is actually seeking the hatarah: That’s four. Number five is unnecessary, which means that he’s forcing the other four to sit through one more recitation of the text and, apparently, after a two-and-half-hour Selichos and Shacharis, it’s those four minutes that will ruin the day. So as you do the math in your shul and make the same mental kabbalah as last year — to find out what nezirus Shimshon actually means before next Rosh Hashanah — here’s a story for you.
Rav Dovid Trenk, who left us just a few months ago, befriended the other mispallelim at the k’vasikin minyan in which he davened each day. One of them, a recent baal teshuvah, recalled that on Erev Rosh Hashanah, near the end of davening, Reb Dovid searched him out, and set himself up at the same table, ensuring that they were in the same “hataras nedarim chaburah.”
Because Reb Dovid saw something that most others missed: This baal teshuvah had developed into a talmid chacham, a respected part of the Lakewood kehillah — but ivra was still difficult for him to recite, and the Hebrew words in this once-a-year tefillah were a daunting challenge.
Reb Dovid wanted to make sure that the dayanim would be patient and kind to this man, so he made sure to be one of them.
After his friend, the baal teshuvah, completed the text, Reb Dovid would compliment him on getting through it. Each year, he would tell him how much better his reading was than the previous one.
This year, Reb Dovid won’t be there, but maybe, in his memory, we can relax a little bit and make it a point to find a fifth, invite someone who reads haltingly or with difficulty to join our exclusive group. Maybe the minhag Yisrael to recite hataras nedarim on Erev Rosh Hashanah is rooted in this, the chance to find room in your heart and schedule for the guy who insists on delineating every single half-neder he might have made — bentshing with a hat and jacket and setting the table for Shabbos on Thursday night and other stuff that didn’t mamash work out as planned. Maybe the neder we’re being matir is the one we articulate a million times a day — I have no time, I’m in such a rush, I really would love to but I can’t — and the way we absolve it is by sitting patiently and just listening.
Mutar lach, friends, mutar lach.
By Rabbi Yisroel Besser Mishpacha
beautiful article....WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT that thereis a machlokes rabbi akiva eiger and rav yitzchak elchonon spector whether a 4 man bes din is good for nedarim. as we know ain besdin shakul
ReplyDeleteAccording to Halacha, Nezirus Shimshon CANNOT get a hatarah! So first figure out if it belongs in the Nussach in the first place!
ReplyDeleteNot if, why. Some have the nusach חוץ מנזירות שמשון. Those (the majority) who say ואפילו נזירות שמשון do so because although generally there is no hatarah for מנזירות שמשון there are exceptions. The Ri Migash holds if the person has not yet become one there is hatarah. The Mabit holds there is no hatarah with charata but there hatarah with a pesach. There is also hatara is someone was mekabel nezirus Shimson al tnai. etc.
ReplyDeleteRav Ovodiah Yosef writes at length on why we say ואפילו נזירות שמשון See Chazon Ovadia Yamim Noraim pg 43.
ReplyDeleteI would like to suggest a novel idea....
ReplyDeleteThere should be a hatora nedarim bes din available in private sometime during the week prior to rosh hashanah. they will accomodate anyone who hesitates to do do hataras nedarim in public . this can be helpful for people who have busy schedules on erev yomtov and people who have nedaroim which need to be specified and are embarassed to do so in shul.
we have are a community of chesed and here is the next chesed project for someone lookin g to help th epublic.
Marvelous idea. And then the next year we'll start being bombarded with emails, calls, and texts urging us to contribute to a crowdfunding campaign for the Av Beis Din and the new Hataras Nedarim Beis Din shtub where they also give out free food for all Hataras Nedarim zuggers. They'll also have mental health services for anyone who was ashamed to help them get over their inner fears.
DeleteThis is a wonderful idea, but perhaps we can find a better way to do chessed that won't branch into a multi million dollar effort to solve the equivalent of an anthill of a problem.
there are rruzbal bes dins available before erev roshana during shmita .
Deletewe can do the same for hataeas nedarim
I would like to suggest a novel idea....
ReplyDeleteThere should be a hatora nedarim bes din available in private sometime during the week prior to rosh hashanah. they will accomodate anyone who hesitates to do do hataras nedarim in public . this can be helpful for people who have busy schedules on erev yomtov and people who have nedaroim which need to be specified and are embarassed to do so in shul.
we have are a community of chesed and here is the next chesed project for someone lookin g to help th epublic.