Thursday, December 24, 2015

Lakewood youngeleit moving to new large development in Monroe, NY

 REPOST!                                            *Communicated*
Rising home sales, sky rocketing property taxes, sitting in traffic on rt 9, mass immigration of New Yorkers, not getting your kids into school, cold climate, these are some of the factors that have young couples looking for a more affordable and suburban lifestyle. Heimisha real estate agents held seminars in Lakewood showcasing the new lucrative development in Monroe. First phase will consist of 100 units. 70 families already signed up. Many community agencies from Monroe and NYS were on hand to offer help with the transition. Representatives from HUD discussed the legalities of transferring section 8 vouchers over state lines. Due to Obamacare restrictions children will have to remain with their current NJ, pediatrician. Askanim arranged for Monroe bus service to run a weekly shuttle to Lakewood.
Time spent traveling will be deducted in lieu of what they would've  normally wait at the doctors office.  In keeping in line with the minhag hamakom that women dont drive, women were given information regarding transportation along with  numbers of the local car services. They will have to forfeit their driving privileges and  surrender their drivers license within 3 months of the move. They will be allowed to drive for that short time but only with a blue license plate.The plans are to eventually open a yiddish speaking cheder for english speaking parents. But for now the local BOE will hire bi lingual shadows for all the kinderlach as they get used to their new surroundings in a yiddish speaking satmar school. For the parents there was a special class given for the inevitable culture shock they will experience as they try blending in with the chassidisher olam. They were shown pictures of various levush which will help them differentiate between a zalony and a Arony. They were given a dictionary for the basic useful words needed to get around such as strukes, shpitzelech, and litvikes. 
The newly built homes will come with 3 rent-able basements a built in room for a playgroup and a study with  seforim shranks. There will not be an Eruv in order to accommodate the yeshivaleit. For a Mikva they will have to go to the neighboring development. The developer promised to build a Otzar Haseforim. Efforts are underway for the local grocery to carry some English speaking Torah newspapers but on the request of the locals it will be covered to accommodate the sensitivities of the heimishe Olam. Lakewood radio station kol Beramah can also be picked up on a local station.
The youngeleit went to visit the Satmar Rebbe and he gave his bracha to the new shechuna he quipped now we can add the title Ihr Hatorah to Monroe.


  1. lol. was halfway through before i realized it was satire. well done bro.

  2. these people have to be crazy to live like this under the Taliban. I am happy they are going,maybe they will find something that makes them happy.It cant be just a money issue

  3. HAHA this gave me a good laugh! I fell for it great piece.

  4. Tonight is nittil nacht not peerim.

  5. I smell anti חסידים here.