Rebbitzen Rischel Kotler A”H a biography

By Rabbi Yair Hoffman 5tjt.com

This past week, Klal Yisroel lost an extraordinary neshama – Rebbiten Rishel Kotler, daughter-in-law of Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l and mother and grandmother of a dynasty of extraordinary Talmidei Chachomim – the Roshei Yeshiva of Lakewood.
MEMEL
Rebitzen Rischel was born in 1923, and her family lived in the town of Memel. Memel was once a part of Germany, and was its most northern town. After the first World War, however, according to the terms of the Treaty of Versailles, it was made a protectorate of the Entente States. Lithuania, however, took it by force, in the very year that Rebbitzen Rishel was born.
PARENTS
Her father, Reb Aryeh Malkiel Friedman was sent by his father, Reb Dovid Friedman, to study in Telze under Reb Chaim of Telze and in Slabodka as well.
He was a brilliant Talmid Chachom but he chose to learn quietly and not to take a Rabbinic position. He entered into business and was very successful, becoming a gvir. Nonetheless, his peers in Slabodka, including Rav Aharon Kotler, had taanos (complaints) on him for not involving himself in the world of the Yeshivos and learning.
Rebbitzen Rishel’s mother, Sara Yehudis, was a paragon of Chessed. While in Memel their household served as a guest home for those seeking treatment in nearby Koenigsberg, which was a medical hub in Europe.
Sara Yehudis also took a strong lead in establishing chinuch of girls throughout Lithuania and strengthening the study and observance of Taharas HaMishpacha. She came from the city of Verzon, which was close to Memel.
Reb Aryeh Malkiel was a good friend of Rabbi Avrohom Eliyahu Kaplan, the Rosh Yeshiva of Rav Azriel Hildesheimer’s Yeshiva in Berlin. They had studied together in Yeshiva, and both became adherents of the Mussar system. Rav Kaplan died suddenly when Rebbitzen Rischel was just one year old.
Rebbitzen Rischel was a granddaughter of Rav Yisroel Nosson Teitz the Av Bais Din of Legom and one of the early students of the Sabba of Kelm. Her family stemmed from a line of Rabbis in Lita and were descendants of the Rozanes family. Rav Rozanes was the author of the Mishna l’Melech. Her ancestors were students of the Vilna Gaon.
REB ELCHONON WASSERMAN
Rebbitzen Rishel’s parents were very close to Reb Elchonon Wasserman HY”D who stayed at their home when fundraising for his Yeshiva in Memel. Reb Elchonon had a very close relationship with them as well as the Friedman children. He would constantly regale them with stories of the Chofetz Chaim. When Reb Elchonon would leave the Friedman home he would ask for a bracha from Rebbitzen Rishel’s sister, Shulamis who was three or four years of age. He explained by saying, “a young girl still has a purity of speech.”
Once on a Motzai Shabbos, Reb Elchonon was a bit saddened that he was unable to raise almost anything for his Yeshiva. That night Reb Aryeh Malkiel and his wife themselves went around and gathered a significant sum of money for Reb Elchonon’s Yeshiva.
Whenever Bnei Torah were at the house, Reb Aryeh Malkiel himself would bring them the water for Netilas Yadayim. He did this to show his family how much one must exert himself to honor Bnei Torah.
Once, in Memel, Rav Elchonon was invited to address a group of young people at the home of a wealthy philanthropist at a Shalosh Seudos. He did not want to do so out of Kashrus concerns. He relented only when the food would be brought from the Friedman home.
In 1938, the Nazis captured Memel. Reb Aryeh Malkiel tried his best to rescue the Sifrei Torah of the Memel shul, and succeeded.
KOVNO
The Friedmans eventually moved to Kovno a two family house on Ponyero 15 in Kovno. Rebbitzen Sarna (Rebbitzen Rishel’s sister) would recall that Rav Elchonon would often beg of Rebbitzen Rishel’s father to daven and awaken Divine mercy from above for a specific Choleh.
In Kovno, the Friedmans continued with their extraordinary Chessed. They welcomed into their home all Yeshiva students who were desperately trying to escape the Nazi beasts. Day and night Reb Aryeh Malkiel would send telegrams on behalf of others in an attempt to get visas and other documents for them.
Rav Elchonon stayed and hid with the Friedmans in Kovno during the time of the Nazis, whose home was adjacent to Rav Avrohom Grodzinsky. The Friedman home became a Bais Vaad l’Chachomim where Gedolei Torah gathered to discuss life and death issues. Reb Elchonon did have an escape plan to go to Switzerland, but an accident where Reb Elchonon’s son had crushed his foot delayed the escape. By the time they were able to travel, unfortunately, the Nazis had closed all opportunity to escape. Reb Elchonon and nine others hid from the Nazis in the Friedman home. While most of those who were hiding in the friedman home would remain on the upper floor Reb Elchonon would be learning on the first floor – adjacent to the stairwell.
SHIDDUCH
Shortly before Rav Elchonon was murdered, he suggested a shidduch to Reb Aryeh Malkiel. Reb Elchonon was close with Rav Aharon Kotler. At the age of 17, Rebbitzen Rischel got engaged to Reb Shneur Kotler, age 22, in early 1941.
But they were not to marry for a while. Reb Shneur was arrested by the Russian for evading the draft. Although he was released, he knew that he was no longer safe in Russia. His first attempt was to make himself physically unfit for the Russian army. This failed to fool the Russians. Finally, his father had worked out with Rav Isser Zalman to obtain the proper papers to enter Eretz Yisroel. Reb Shneur took a boat to “Palestine” together with Reb Laizer Yudel Z”L, Rav Laizer Shach Z”L, and a number of others. Reb Shneur learned in the Chevron Yeshiva and also learned under his grandfather, Reb Isser Zalman Meltzer. Reb Shneur was also able to learn and hear shiurim from the Brisker Rav.
The situation in Europe was becoming desperate and it was clear to all that for the sake of the Talmidim and for Rav Aharon that he must try to get help for the Bnei HaYeshiva from America. The necessary paperwork was obtained for Rav Aharon to come to the United States. His Talmidim and the other Jews of Saluk, where his Yeshiva was now housed, escorted him toward the railway station in Vilna.
In January of 1941, Rav Aharon began his trip by way of Japan.
Reb Aryeh Malkiel Friedman was murdered by the Nazis at the infamous 9th Fort in Kovno. He was murdered with 10,000 other Jews of Kovno. Rebbitzen Rischel’s mother Sarah Yehudis, died two years later. Miraculously, their three daughters survived the war – Rebbetzin Rishel Z”L, Rebbetzin Rochel Sarna Z”L and Tibodel Lech”T, Rebbetzin Shulamis Volpe. Once while the Rebbitzen Rischel’s mother was holding a four year old Shulamis, the Nazis yimach sh’man shot her in her mothers arms. The young child fell into a mass grave. But Sara Yehudis Friedman HY”D did not believe that her daughter had died. That night they went back to the mass grave and dug out the young Shulamis. She was alive!
ON HER OWN
In March of 1941, Rebbitzen Rischel left home. She was to go through Russia, and her father accompanied her until Vilna. His parting words to her were to retain the level of Kedusha they had maintained at their home. She should not dress like the goyim, she should not apply makeup and she should be makpid on Cholov Yisroel. She never saw her parents again.
Rebbitzen Rischel, although young, was surprisingly resourceful. She had managed to hold on to three passports in order to navigate her way through the labyrinth of the escape. She had a German passport, a Lithuanian passport, and a Polish one as well. On the way to Kobe Japan they had to pass through Russia. Rebbitzen Rischel used the German passport to get through Russia. Throughout her travels she had to use all three of her passports.
IN SHANGHAI
Reb Aaron and his Rebbetzin secured papers to emigrate from Japan to USA, but despite their valiant attempts to get papers for the young Kallah to join Reb Shneur in Eretz Yisroel, they did not succeed. Rebbitzen Rischel remained with the Mirrer Yeshiva in Kobe, Japan. When the Mirrer went on to Shanghai, she too joined them. She remained in Shanghai with the Jewish community there for several years.
During the escape from the inferno that was Europe, it was quite normal to add a spouse to one’s papers in order to help them immigrate – even if the spouse was not really a spouse. This was done because of the Mitzvah of Pikuach Nefesh. Rebbitzen Rischel did this as well.
Rav Aharon was able to send his future daughter-in-law money through the Red Cross. Rebbitzen Rischel was able to occasionally communicate to Reb Shneur through Rav Herzog who was in Ankara, Turkey at the time.
Shanghai, however, was not the healthiest of environments. There was debilitating heat and the entire city was rife with disease. The young Rebbitzen Rischel, unmarried and orphaned, contracted a near-deadly case of tuberculosis. One of her lungs stopped functioning entirely and the other was seriously compromised. Her knees and feet developed dangerous ulcers. The aftermath of these medical ailments affected her for the rest of her life.
While in Shanghai, she did manage to obtain papers to come to Canada. She used her Polish passport to obtain a visa. She entered Toronto and stayed with Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l.
ARRIVAL IN AMERICA
Eventually, in 1946, Rebbitzen Rischel arrived in America and stayed with Rav Aharon and his wife in the upper west side of Manhattan at 43 West 93rd Street. Reb Shneur, her Chosson, was only to arrive back in American in Shavuos of 1947.
PRECARIOUS HEALTH
Rebbitzin Rishel’s health was quite precarious and her medical prognosis was quite grim. She was told she would be unable to bear children and her life expectancy was short. Nonetheless, Rav Aharon paskened that his son should still marry her. When one of the doctors heard that Reb Aaron was planning to go ahead with the marriage he exclaimed, “Rabbi, you only have one son who carries your name and who can have children that will do the same…it’s reckless to have him marry a girl who cannot possibly have children!”
Rav Aharon explained to his family, “Ich vell nisht tcheperen mit a Yesoma….m’vet vaiter gein mitt der shiduch – I do not wish to cheper with an orphaned girl – let us go further with the Shidduch.” The wedding took place on Wednesday, January 19th, 1949 in Lakewood, New Jersey. As it turned out, she outlived everyone – her doctors, her husband, and most of the people who were around at the time.
IN LAKEWOOD
Rav Aharon treated Rebbitzen Rischel with the greatest love and sensitivity. She was to remark to her friend that she had never seen her father-in-law raise his voice or get angry at anything.
Rav Aharon passed away in 1962, and her husband Reb Shneur became Rosh Yeshiva. The Yeshiva grew tremendously under his direction.
The Rebbitzen took an active role in the running of the Yeshiva. Her care and concern for the Talmidim was that of an Aim B’Yisroel. She looked at each bochur as a son. She also arranged for numerous shidduchim. “She was what we would call a camp mother,” remarked one Talmid of the Yeshiva.
At times she would see that a bachur was not able to dress well enough to find a suitable shidduch. She took steps to ensure that the bochur was given a new suit.
Her husband, Reb Shneur zt”l was niftar in 1982, at the age of 64. Upon his passing, Rav Elya Svei came to assist in determining the future of the Yeshiva. Although welcoming his input, the Rebbitzen felt that at a certain point, the direction should be determined by the family itself, and she asserted the family right in this area.
The Rebbitzen also experienced the tragic passing of her own son Meir Kotler z”l, weeks before his anticipated Chasuna. Although heartbroken, she exhibited the highest degree of Emunah and Bitachon.
Rebbitzen Rischel passed away on the 2nd of Av, at the age of 92 and was buried at Har HaMenuchos. She leaves a remarkable legacy of numerous Talmidei Chachomim and a role in building the citadel of Torah that is Beis Medrash Gavoah. May she be a mailetz yosher for all of Klal Yisroel.