Parsha of Shidduchim

 This week's Parsha discusses the shidduch between Yitzchok and Rivka  as Avrohom sent Eliezer his servant to find a girl for his son. There was no shidduch crisis than it was all with Emunah. Eliezer is the first known shadchan in the Torah. Many important lessons in Shidduchim are derived from this parsha. Rav Elya Boruch Finkel ZT"l the Mir Rosh Yeshiva would give his yearly hashkafa shmooze on shidduchim friday night Shabbos Chaya Sara. Yated article reported He would speak for four hours and always begin with the Rabbeinu Bechaya that says that the Torah details every part of Yitzchok Avinu’s shidduch because “ma’aseh avos siman labonim.“ He would add that the reason why the Torah elaborates on Yitzchok’s shidduch and not Avrohom’s or Yaakov’s is because Yitzchok had his father take an active role in making his shidduch.

 Here's a Shidduch lesson from the Malbim

Parshas Chayei Sara: Malbim - An Important Shidduch Lesson

Avrohom had three good friends who believed in Hashem, Aner Eshkol and especially Mamrei who gave him advice to go through with his Bris Mila. Yet not only did Avrohom reject their daughters as suitable matches for Yitzchok, but he went as far as making Eliezer swear that he will not turn to them for a Shidduch. Instead Avrohom told him to to go to his own family, to the land of Nachor his brother, where Idol worship was rampant. Why did Avrohom, the battler against avodah zara, show such a degree of nepotism?

The Malbim brings from the Ran that aveiros in the Torah come in two forms, those that destroy the neshama such as bad hashkafos, and those that affect the guf as well, which include bad middos such as jealousy and anger that make the body stir. In the latter case this nature is passed down through the generations, as children often can suffer from the same character flaws as their parents. This was the case of the Kenanim and therefore Avrohom did not want to be Mishadech with them.

Nachor's problem was purely religious philosophy. This affected the soul and not the genes. It was a mind problem that would not necessarily affect future generations, who may reach their own conclusions. Religion is more easily reparable and parents are not an indication of their children. Bad middos are trickier and not likely to disappear. Something to keep in mind when choosing a Shidduch. Avrohom did!